I sometimes sit and go through my personal history book of fights with people I cared about. People I have loved. They are mostly bad memories.
Small squabbles, little insignificant disagreements , and small arguments that can haunt me at night. As time passes, not one of them are justifiable. In the big scheme of things, they mean nothing. They represent nothing.
During the fight, they make SO much sense. My point of view is the ONLY point of view! And when I made my points, I felt so very justified with where I stood. I knew I was correct with what I stood for.
But after all the emotions have passed, I am left with my own thought of what I did and what I said that may have been hurtful to that person I cared deeply about.
And I look back and see that I was wrong.
So it leaves me to the premise of thinking that I shouldn’t be doing things based on emotion anymore.
But at the same time, I understand that at that time, all the emotions that I felt were not the same emotions I am feeling when looking back at the fights. I was in a “protect & defend” mentality. I was protecting and defending my emotions and my point of view. And that is all I cared about.
This does not mean I have no integrity. What I should be looking at is, why did I get in the situation where I needed to defend my emotions? How did I put myself in a position to have a power struggle with someone I loved?
Everyone gets in this place at some point or another. You and I are not alone with this emotion.
So analyze the things you are doing, know why you do them, and learn to grow from that. It the best way I have found that I can reach the level of neutrality that I am looking for.
Then take a long…deep…breath. It’s the best reset button in the world.